With apologies to Robert Burns, here is my take on the reply to Toasting the Lassies for Burn’s Night 2020.

The Lassies’ Reply

Thank you sir for toasting the ladies
We’re all in heaven, far from hades
We know the tunes, the sins, the wages
And so do you
Side by side we turn the pages
You know this too

Though your fate is to do our bidding
We know its trust and not just kidding
That keeps us oft from just admitting
Of what you can do
We ponder standing and just sitting
Oh what thoughts ensue

If you wonder why we love you
Know our dreams are sometimes of you
Though nightmares might be closer truth
And what we see
In holey pants and scuffed up shoe
Is mystery!

They say a man’s more with a wifey
Not sure it’s true when times get dicey
For winds blow cold and long and icey
Oft it’s endless
So forgive weather that’s unkindly
Try a caress

If we get cross when you digress
Or switch the channel sans redress
Or leave the bathroom in a mess
Please, just don’t
We’d rather have your tenderness
Than spit “I won’t”

For men who touch us slow or fleetly
Who we do serve, just oh so meekly
You know we see you
And you care for us, oft thrice weekly
You know what to do.

This short poem is too soonly ending
On your patience it’s been depending
But time for you, is not mere lending
It’s for always
Though only if the knee’s sharp bending
For all the days.

Beware our passion and our scorn
Remember us lest you should mourn
Hope and faith are with us reborn
For lust and love
Needs you strong, bold, and not forlorn
Our hand, your glove.