Homebrew Talk, a website for home brewers based in Newfoundland has put together a very funny list of alternative medical terms. You can find the list here: Newfie medical dictionary

I’ve got a few additions for it. I hope they make you smile.

aspirin……………………………………………………………. ambitious

bandage …………………………………………………………  to do with musicians

catarrh……………………………………………………………. country in the middle east

coccyx…………………………………………………………….. the cock before cock seven

disease…………………………………………………………… this ain’t hard

electrocardiogram………………………………………… exciting message on a jumper

enzyme…………………………………………………………… the one before ozyme

femur……………………………………………………………… pay more

forceps…………………………………………………………… two sets of biceps

general practitioner……………………………………… march in uniform with medals

herpes…………………………………………………………….. not his peas

incontinent……………………………………………………. worldwide traveller

infectious………………………………………………………. factually correct

inpatient………………………………………………………… not inclined to wait

intrapartum…………………………………………………… between festivities

jockstrap……………………………………………………….. device for catching sporty men

ketones………………………………………………………….. best notes in a song

laxatives…………………………………………………………. lazy relations

lesion……………………………………………………………… 3000 – 6000 Roman soldiers

lobotomy……………………………………………………….. low slung bum

lupus………………………………………………………………. cat’s litter tray

measles………………………………………………………….. not all about you

menopause……………………………………………………. taking a relationship break

node……………………………………………………………….. kind of poem

oestrogen………………………………………………………. he’s wanking

pessaries………………………………………………………… people who eat fish

placenta…………………………………………………………. Italian for calm down

platelets…………………………………………………………. saucers

physical………………………………………………………….. carbonated

pneumonia…………………………………………………….. the latest monia trend

polio……………………………………………………………….. poor lion

prostate…………………………………………………………. in favour of the system

pulmonary…………………………………………………….. posh train carriage

retrovirus………………………………………………………. vintage ’flu

scalpel……………………………………………………………. going bald (thank you Debbie)

semen…………………………………………………………….. sailors

surgery…………………………………………………………… Russion youth hostel

sutures…………………………………………………………… looks nice on yous

syndrome………………………………………………………. place of vice

syringe……………………………………………………………. Lady Ringe’s partner

testicle……………………………………………………………. a littlr exam

ultrasound…………………………………………………….. really healthy

vas deferens………………………………………………….. what’s changed?

vein…………………………………………………………………. not humble

vulva………………………………………………………………. Swedish car